The Absolute Beginner Program

     So you want to start strength training. That's amazing! You have decided to increase the strength and size of your muscles, bones, and connective tissue. You will also prolong your life and add GOOD years to the end of it. BUT, you aren't sure where to start. So many doctors have their advice, and the bros and broettes have their advice, it can be hard to know where to start. 

    You have come to the right place, for a visual example of this workout, check out episode 3 of the Go Fit Yourself podcast, the last 10 minutes cover my absolute beginner, never seen the inside of a gym workout. 

    This workout will cover real, functional human movement in a safe, controlled environment that if done properly will help you gain muscle and increase your metabolism. This workout is fine for anyone with bad knees, bad hips, bad shoulders, no time, and/or no money. This will eliminate every excuse you think you have for not working out. 

    1. Chair squat - Get yourself a chair, preferably with arms. On day one I want you to use the arms or your hands on either side of your body to help you stand up straight and tall. Now I want you to sit back down, by sticking your but back and keeping your knees out over your toes. Don't just plop back down, lower yourself slowly into the chair for a 2 or 3 count until you achieve a SOFT LANDING. Use your arms to help stand back up straight and tall, then repeat the lowering process. I want you to perform as many "reps" as you can until you hit about 20. Take a day off. 

    The next time you perform the chair squat, don't use your hands to help yourself up, simply put your arms out straight in front of you like Superman flying and use your hips to stand up. Slowly lower yourself back into the chair without using your hands and stand back up straight and tall. Once you hit 20 reps in a row without stopping, simply find a lower chair / step stool / stair, whatever. Once your HIP CREASE IS BELOW YOUR KNEE, you have found the perfect depth. Stay there and work up to 50 chair squats every other day, 3 times per week. (Ex. Mon, Wed, Fri)

    2. Counter push ups - With your arms extended out in front of you at shoulder width like Frankenstein, I want you to lean forward with your hands on a counter. Bend your elbows, while maintaining a straight line from your shoulders to your ankles, and slowly lower your upper body to the counter until your chest touches. If you have a particularly ample bosom, Try to go down a little further. Extend your arms until they are straight and you are back in the starting position. Slowly lower your chest to the counter and extend until your arms are locked out again. Repeat every other day until you hit 50 reps in a row. Once 50 reps have been achieved, lower your platform (use a chair, step stool, or go to the ground and do knee push ups) and repeat the process until at least 20 reps are achieved. 

    3. Milk jug rows - Grab 2 gallon milk jugs, full of water or some other liquid (10 lbs. each). Bend over and poke your butt back at the waist and maintain a 90 degree angle in the back. Lower back will be flat and remain that way throughout the entire process. Next, I want you to bend your elbow, keeping it tight to your side, until the back of your arms are in line with the back of your back. Squeeze the hell out of the sides of your back and come all the way back down to a straight arm position. You should feel this in your entire back and your grip and biceps. Repeat until 25 reps have been achieved, then increase weight somehow, either by buying dumbbells, kettlebells, or exercise bands. 

    Repeat these 3 exercises 3 days per week on nonconsecutive days (Ex. Mon, Wed, Fri or Tues, Thur, Sat). A way to increase the difficulty of this workout would be to lose the chair and perform 50 bodyweight squats BELOW PARRELEL, do 20 legit push ups on the floor, and easily row the 10 lb. water jugs for 50 reps. Congratulations! You are stronger than you were last month! Now it's time to think about a gym membership.